Failure to Launch: Why It Happens and How to Fix It

Failure to Launch: Why It Happens and How to Fix It

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Failure to launch refers to highly-dependent adult children who are still relying on their parents to care for them. Individuals with failure to launch syndrome have little desire to seek employment or contribute financially and tend to isolate themselves from the rest of the world. Many factors can contribute to a child’s failure to launch, including overparenting, family trauma, and mental health issues.

Setting Boundaries

Every home and family should have boundaries, especially for stay-at-home adult children. Have them set their own responsibilities and let the natural progression of consequences unfold. Services such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry should not be provided to an adult child living at home. Expect them to maintain a career, contribute to the bills (if applicable), and help out around the house.

Another potential cause for failure to launch syndrome is worshipping your child. This behavior can lead to failure to launch if the child is being consistently rewarded for their lack of contribution to the family or the financial burdens of the household. Parents don’t do their adult children any favors when they allow them to enjoy the benefits of living at home without having any responsibilities.

Mental Health Issues

Many mental health issues can have a correlation to failure to launch, such as a history of anxiety. This could cause a child leaving high school to struggle with maintaining friendships or being in crowded areas such as a college or workplace.

Anxiety in adult children often presents itself as social isolation, an inability to maintain a career or educational pursuits, and spending copious amounts of time sleeping or being in their room. There are other mental health disorders that can inhibit emotional maturity, such as ADHD or OCD.

An adult child with these conditions or who does not manage stress well might lack the necessary skills to achieve independence — financial or otherwise. They should be set up with an organizational coach and mental health services to create a long-term plan to help the child find their own living accommodations, career, money management goals, and independence.

Instant Gratification

Children who grew up in the age of technology are often taught to expect instant gratification — after all, they can search and buy anything they could possibly want on the internet. Being able to watch any video, learn anything, listen to music, watch movies, and work online with a simple click has been detrimental in many ways.

Instead of sitting with discomfort and learning resiliency, children have learned to find comfort in social media and technology rather than the real world. All of this has led to a lack of motivation for many young people, who struggle to pursue a long-term career or educational goals.

These cannot simply be attained whenever they want them — they must be earned and worked for, which some adult children don’t have the social maturity to handle. Parents should also be aware of signs of narcissism and an overall disregard for others.

If an adult child is often praised and told how smart and unique they are without being held accountable, they could develop entitlement or a narcissistic personality. A child who has failed to launch often feels entitled to what they want simply because they want it.

It is crucial to set boundaries with your child and not give in to any narcissistic requests. This can be addressed by having a frank discussion about their refusal to take responsibility for themselves. Let your child know what you will or will not do for them. It’s okay to comfort your child and affirm that their feelings of fear and discomfort are normal when leaving home.

Assure them that they can always come to visit or stop in if they need a break. But it is vital for them to take responsibility for their lives, as it will teach them who they are and who they can potentially grow to be.

Fortunately, some interventions can help a family with an adult child who has failure to launch syndrome. Achieve Concierge is committed to the concept that real healing involves treating all aspects of the individual, not just the label of a particular diagnosis. By engaging the patient on multiple levels of care, this collaborative approach guides and enhances successful treatment. Our specialists are prepared to create a plan that will help your child succeed. To get started, call us today at (858) 221-0344.

10 Self-Care Activities to Combat Depression

10 Self-Care Activities to Combat Depression

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Coping with depression during a global pandemic and being unable to leave home can take an emotional toll on just about anyone. As the world begins to open up, it’s important to do little things that bring you joy and comfort while adjusting to new social norms and a new way of life.

Taking care of yourself needs to be as important as taking care of your family, work, bills, or any other responsibilities. Here are some ideas that you can implement in your life now to start living a happier and healthier reality.

 1. Surf the Internet

The endless resources on the internet make it easy to take up a new hobby, learn a new skill, or entertain yourself with a good TV show or movie. While surfing the internet, it could also be beneficial to look for more ways to implement self-care that works for you. For example, you can join an online chat room, seek inspirational quotes, or read success stories from other individuals who also have a depression diagnosis.

 2. Go Out to Eat with Friends

Is there a local restaurant you’ve been dying to try? Now is a great time to ask your friends if they’d like to meet up and grab a bite to eat! As the world begins to open back up after the coronavirus pandemic, eating out is just one way to get back into old routines and social habits. Call your local eateries and ask for a reservation to have a sit-down experience again! This is also a great way to get you out of the house if you are feeling down.

 3. Rearrange the Furniture in Your Home

It’s always nice to give the place you are so familiar with a little shake-up or change of scenery. Move things around, try a new paint color, or add a rug to a room. Changing your home — even if they are minor changes — is an excellent way to get yourself into a mindset of seeing things from a different perspective.

 4. Try Arts & Crafts

There are plenty of tools locally and online to teach someone a new artistic talent. Through video streaming platforms, you can find painting tutorials, candle-making videos, or blogs that teach you how to crochet and knit. Find a creative outlet that allows you to complete an original art piece to signify your artistic ability and your achievement of completion.

 5. Just Say “No”

Many of us find saying no to plans or events to be extremely difficult. Finding your strength to decline invitations might be just what you need to heal yourself mentally or take a personal self-care day. It’s okay to say no to plans that do not seem all that fun to you. Just make sure that you do not isolate yourself all the time — spending quality time with friends and family is important.

 6. Clean Up

Many people find a clean space to be cathartic. Even a quick 10-minute tidy-up around your main living area or workspace could be the motivation you need to feel calmer, more at peace, and grounded.

 7. Practice Good Hygiene

For some, it could be challenging to get out of bed and start your day. Consider taking a hot shower, washing and styling your hair, and putting on an outfit that makes you feel stylish and ready for your day. Getting prepared is a great motivation to get outside and do something fun and productive.

 8. Start a Blog

Starting a blog on any platform website and writing about whatever makes you happy is a great way to practice self-care. Write about your experiences, your cat, your job, funny posts you saw on social media — whatever you choose to write about could be an excellent release of emotion. It could even show you a new creative talent you never knew you had.

 9. Allow Yourself a Movie Day

Spend an entire day in your pajamas with some popcorn and candy and binge-watch that TV show or movie series you have been dying to see. Take the time to kick back, turn off your phone, and dive into a fictional world. It’s okay!

 10. Watch the Sunrise

Find out when the sun will rise in your city and set your alarm extra early. Grab a blanket and a pillow, pour a cup of coffee, and go to a comfortable location with a non-obstructed view. Listen to your feel-good playlist and watch the world wake up. It’s a brand-new day.

Managing a depression diagnosis is complicated. If you try many self-care techniques and still don’t feel like you’re receiving the treatment you need, Achieve Concierge can help. Our outpatient treatment facilities for depression are staffed by expert medical personnel and feature state-of-the-art therapies, so we can offer our patients tailored treatment options for their depression symptoms. To learn more, call us today at (858) 221-0344.

Coping Mechanisms for PTSD

Coping Mechanisms for PTSD

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“Holding yourself accountable for someone else hurting you, only continues the hurting long after the hurting is done.”
-Anonymous

There is a common thread that plagues victims of traumatic events: self-blame. So what causes self-blame, and why is it so common for individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) to experience this coping mechanism? The belief that we had control or we could have had power is the explanation that we give ourselves. We think we can prevent future traumas from happening if only we try harder next time.

Self-blame is a way that one may express their shame after a traumatic event has occurred. At times, when the victim of abuse reports the incident, they may feel a sense of self-blame for “ruining” the other person’s life or for how it affects their friends and family. But self-blame doesn’t have to be a part of your life — there are plenty of self-help resources that you can use instead to cope with a PTSD diagnosis.

Increasing Positive Lifestyle Choices

Instead of choosing to eat that donut for breakfast or fast-food burger for lunch, try opting for something healthier such as a salad or fruit. When you notice your PTSD symptoms worsening, take some time to go for a walk around the block — this is a great way to trick your brain into thinking you’re abiding by its flight-or-fight method of protection.

You can also try journaling all of the ways you are feeling throughout the day. Jot down when your mood shifts, when you’re feeling symptoms, when good things happen, and when not-so-good things happen. Journaling is an excellent, healthy emotional release that allows you to track your mood patterns and habits.

Joining a Support Group

Scientific studies have proven that the response to seeking help for those diagnosed with PTSD mirrors those diagnosed with anxiety. Finding a group of people online or in your community with similar experiences and success stories could be an excellent way for you to gain positive feedback, make new friends, and learn new tools to use when you have episodes of PTSD. Find a safe space to talk about the things that you want to discuss and receive input in a non-judgmental and supportive environment.

Mindfulness and Breathing

Practice your ability to enjoy all that you have in the present moment. Acknowledge the weather, take in the environment that surrounds you, focus on your existence, and then focus on your breathing. Try box breathing — breathe in for 3 seconds, hold it for 3 seconds, breathe out for 3 seconds, wait for 3 seconds, and repeat until your PTSD or panic episode is over. Focusing on your ability to control yourself and your thoughts can ground you in times of personal unrest. Being able to retreat to this grounded mindset can help even further.

Regaining the Present Moment

After a nightmare that takes you back to the event, it might be alarming when you realize that it was only a dream. The Department of Veteran Affairs recommends getting out of bed, walking around, grabbing a glass of water, noticing your surroundings, and bringing yourself back to the present moment. Try calling a friend if you can, or try a soothing activity such as listening to calming music.

Avoid tobacco, alcohol, and caffeine when you wake up from a nightmare as they each make it difficult to fall back asleep. Recovery is an ongoing, daily process that cannot be fixed overnight. Healing from the trauma you experienced does not mean that you have forgotten the trauma. In moments when your PTSD bombards you, remind yourself that it is pure memory, and you are not currently in that situation.

The emotions that you experience are natural responses to trauma. So try to partake in activities that bring you joy. This could mean a daily run, a group that meets for breakfast once a week, or a picnic in the park. You must find coping mechanisms that work for you and implement them into your everyday routine.

Don’t be discouraged if specific coping mechanisms don’t work for you. Be aware that there will be some activities you strongly dislike — but this should not stop you from finding things that work for you and give you positive tools to use when your PTSD comes around.

If you or someone you love suffers from PTSD, Achieve Concierge can help. Our expert clinicians use a combination of medication and psychotherapy to relieve PTSD symptoms and teach patients how to cope with these feelings and memories. Our goal is to treat the entire person, body, mind, and spirit to deliver long-term results. To learn more, call us today at (858) 221-0344.

Maintaining a Schedule for Work-Life Balance

Maintaining a Schedule for Work-Life Balance

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As the stay-at-home orders are lifted nationwide, it is essential to maintain a schedule that works for you. It has likely been easier to keep a work-life balance without a daily commute, early alarm clocks, or filled social calendars. As we begin to go back to work, you must remind yourself how to continue balancing your work life and your home life.

Below are some tips you can use to bring yourself back to a stable balance while being away from home and still remain present for yourself and your family.

Write It Down

The first step for tackling any challenge is to write it down. You want to create a map to remind yourself where you need to be at any given point. Life can be uncertain and unpredictable, so take the time to build the foundation and structure your mind needs to maintain positive mental health benefits. This solid foundation will increase your productivity throughout the day.

A great way to start this process is to buy a planner that is visually pleasing to you so you are more inclined to use it. Consider picking up a simple planner from the local superstore or get a custom-made planner online. As long as it’s a planner that you can identify and use regularly, you are on the right track.

Try buying stickers, colorful pens, and specialized tools to color-coordinate your planner and make it your own. You can also add in spaces where you can doodle, create lists, or write down important information. When designing your planner, it is important to consider a successful work-life balance and then visualize what to do when there is an imbalance between them.

A great tactic to separate work/responsibility tasks from self-care and personal time is to separate the two by color. For example, make all work tasks green and all personal tasks blue. This way, you can see when you are dedicating more time to work than you are committing to yourself or personal matters.

Put an End to Procrastination

Once you have created a scheduled map of where you’re going, your next enemy to battle is procrastination. Almost everyone struggles with this issue, but it is something that you can train yourself to stop doing. Knowing your direction is half the battle of overcoming procrastination.

You are now priming each day with intention, which can eliminate the need for your mind to drift and avoid decisions that take up precious time and energy. Spend 21 days following your hour-by-hour schedule as carefully as you can. Train yourself to adhere to a timetable, so you no longer allow yourself to procrastinate.

Make sure to not put off tasks like working out, meditation, or a quick walk at lunchtime to put yourself in a fresh mindset to accomplish more things at work. Continue to take time for yourself to release and debrief from your workday. Make sure that you are prioritizing your mental health throughout your daily work routine.

Avoid Multitasking

While it is impressive to juggle a lot of projects at once, science shows us that multitasking decreases the quality of our work. Create a checklist of things that you need to accomplish for the day and list them by importance. Don’t worry about your ability to complete everything — focus on the quality of the work you can do. Whatever does not get checked off the list at the end of the day goes to the top of the checklist the next day as the most critical items.

This method ensures that you will not be focused on multitasking and possibly completing the same amount of work but at lower quality. You want to dedicate all of your time to one task and give it the best effort you can, then move on to the next item on your list.

Make sure that you also remove any outside distractions such as social media, texting, internet surfing, or chatting with colleagues. There are several website blockers that you can use, so even if you are tempted to get on social media, you will be unable to. Keep your work area clean and distraction-free, as it will be too easy to pick up whatever is at hand and become distracted.

Another great way to release yourself during this time is to use the Pomodoro method and allow yourself a specific time for distraction. The Pomodoro method is a time management system that encourages people to work with the time they have, rather than against it. Using this method, you break your workday into 25-minute chunks separated by five-minute breaks. Make sure to set a timer so you don’t get lost in the never-ending abyss of social media or the internet.

Whatever system works best for you, the goal is to continue having a healthy work-life balance outside the home.

Looking for life coaching or guidance from qualified mental health professionals who can help you get a routine started? Achieve Concierge is here for you. Our expert mental health services are designed to make you a top priority. Your personal mental wellness, work, and lifestyle needs will be taken into account at every step of treatment. To schedule a consultation, call us today at (858) 221-0344.

Staying Happy and Anxiety-Free During “Safer at Home” Order

Staying Happy and Anxiety-Free During “Safer at Home” Order

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COVID-19 took the nation by storm. For many Americans who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, or depression, it completely halted their coping strategies and healing processes. Everything went from normal to lockdown in a matter of days. For many people, their coping mechanisms included support groups, church, being outside, playing sports, or visiting friends. This all came to a screeching halt.

With no end to the coronavirus in sight, no one really knows when life will go back to normal — if it ever does. These coping strategies may help you get through the remaining months of the “safer at home” orders that are being implemented by many states.

Online Zoom Hangouts

Just because social distancing is encouraged doesn’t mean that you need to distance yourself from your support groups, loved ones, and friends. When you can’t see them in person, Zoom hangouts are the next best thing! Reach out to your support groups, your family, and people you have developed friendships with (or would like to). Virtual hangouts could be a great way to stay connected to others who may also be trying to maintain the same coping strategies that you are.

Organize one night a week when your friends all get onto a video chat platform and talk about your week or play a game together. Several streaming websites have started “watch with a friend” programs that allow people to watch the same show at the exact same time. You can even chat with each other during the program.

Pick Up a New Hobby or Skill

Language learning platforms and educational websites are thriving right now. This is a perfect time to learn a new language for your big trip next year or learn how to sculpt, paint, or code computers. In this age of technology, you have unlimited information at your fingertips. Sometimes it all gets to be too much, and you just need to distract yourself. Try listening to a new podcast series, tackling home renovations, or cooking the latest dish. The sky’s the limit!

Start a New Physical Activity Regime

Now is a great time to get into a workout routine, as we are all at home. Start with one 30-minute walk or jog and increase the amount of activity every day to create a habit. Exercise is proven to boost your mood and happiness. Try to exercise outside when you can to get extra Vitamin D as well.

Check-in on People You Care About

This is a time when many people are nervous, and everything is unprecedented. Remember that everyone else is also trying to cope with these world changes. It could be beneficial for you to send your friend a text asking how they are holding up or reminding someone you love that you’re thinking about them.

Don’t Try to Break Every Bad Habit at Once

Many people are wanting to utilize this time to kick their bad habits. Take it slow while you are combating old habits and reinforcing new ones. Don’t go cold turkey and stop everything right away — adequately tackle one addiction before moving onto another one. Make sure that you are replacing a bad habit with a good one. For example, if you decided to quit smoking, try replacing it with going for a walk.

Refrain From Negative Talk

Try to not hold yourself back with negative self-talk. Instead of saying “I’m stuck inside,” try replacing that thought with “I am grateful to have time to focus on myself and my home.” Working from home is an excellent opportunity to switch your focus from external issues to internal issues.

Having a mindset of being stuck or restrained during this time is not productive, and it will only stress you out more. Take a step back when you are feeling overwhelmed to focus on yourself and your opportunity to grow.

Avoid Obsessing Over Coronavirus News

While it is important to make sure you’re in the loop on the latest pandemic coverage, you should also be mindful that you don’t need to hear the same coverage over and over from news stations. Every morning, go on the internet or turn on the television for one hour and allow yourself to get the news you need — and then shut it off. Instead of watching constant news updates, focus on staying healthy and calm during a global state of unrest.

The qualified team of mental health professionals at Achieve Concierge understands how stressful these unprecedented times are. Whatever your needs may be, we are committed to providing the highest level of mental wellness care with personalized service that is second to none. To learn more, call us today at (858) 221-0344.

Ways to Help Children with ADHD Manage Online Learning

Ways to Help Children with ADHD Manage Online Learning

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The COVID-19 pandemic threw off everyone’s 2020 plans. The virus not only shut down our malls, schools, pools, and gyms — it shut down our way of life. Children went home one Friday afternoon from school, unaware that they would not be returning until August. There was no way to prepare ourselves for the reality that we would all be quarantined inside.

Learning from home via Zoom and only connecting with friends in online classrooms can be detrimental to social growth for any child, but the challenges for students with learning disabilities, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), need particular attention. The goal is to help children with ADHD and other disorders receive the same quality of education as their peers.

School’s Out

We all understand that there was no way around online classes once everyone was sent home for the school year. Teachers were forced to move lesson plans online, and parents have stayed home with their families for months. Without any time to plan, the idea to televise education inevitably left no room for children with learning difficulties. Children being asked to maintain classwork and schoolwork on their own with ADHD is incredibly difficult.

What Teachers Can Do

As educators, you care deeply about the children you teach and want to provide the best level of education that you are capable of giving. Check in on your kids who have ADHD/ADD. Reach out to the parents and see what you can do to help give these children the education they need. In brick and mortar classrooms, children with learning disabilities often have tutors and extra time for concept retention.

This resource is instrumental to a child’s development, and it would also be an excellent at-home resource for parents and children. Another way to help your students with ADHD is to continuously check your volume levels while teaching a live class. Some of your students may have sensory issues. If excessive yelling is used during your live stream, they may not be focused on what you’re saying, but how loudly you’re saying it.

Another thing to be mindful of is your movement. Arm flailing or pacing can be distracting for students with learning disabilities. Consider recording yourself teaching as if your students were in front of you. By reviewing these recordings, you’ll see if you sway, pace, make large hand movements, or fidget with your clothing.

What Parents Can Do

Having the entire world shift is stressful and unexpected, and it generates a lot of unnecessary stress on your children as well as yourself. If your child is struggling with ADHD and learning from home, they need your help as well. Carve out 1-2 hours every night or every other night with your child to help them with their homework or perhaps teach them a new concept at school.

There are plenty of free websites that can help with learning new concepts in math, science, language arts, or social studies. If you are feeling helpless, no worries! Reach out to your child’s teacher and let them know that your child is struggling. It is always okay to ask for help. Another great way to keep your children on task is to create a set schedule with your child.

Tell your child what they will be learning, why they are learning about it, and how long they will be learning it. It could reduce anxiety or restlessness if your child knows exactly how long the lesson will last, followed by an allotted amount of free time. If you are using Zoom or another online live classroom setting, make sure the lesson is recorded so your child can view the lesson in chunks and retain the information more effectively.

Realizing the Difficulties

It’s no secret that children with ADHD already have a difficult time learning in traditional brick and mortar schools. Now that they have to learn online from home with hundreds of distractions, the difficulty is likely even greater. It is challenging to keep the attention of a child with ADHD, so be prepared to spend more time instructing and teaching.

An ADHD diagnosis can be a challenge for people of all ages, especially today in the world of online learning and working. If you or someone you know struggles with ADHD, Achieve Concierge can help. We use mindfulness awareness techniques, medications, psychotherapy, and occupational therapy to alleviate the symptoms of ADHD and improve performance at school and at work. To learn more, call us today at (858) 221-0344.

The Link Between Athletes and Depression

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More high school and college athletes are experiencing depression than ever before. According to the Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA), depression affects approximately 17.3 American adults, or just over 7% of the U.S. population age 18 and older. Yet recent studies have found that among high school and college athletes ages 18-25, anywhere from 15-21% of them suffer from depression — that’s nearly double the rate of American adults.

This dramatic increase indicates that athletes are under higher amounts of stress and are more likely to be depressed. At this age, athletes who continue to major universities are under enormous amounts of pressure to perform well for the college. They must entertain a large student body and fan population while maintaining their class schedule, workout schedule, study routine, and free time. They may be told to push through their pain and ignore injuries to stay on the field. Sadly for many, this pressure seems to be an acceptable part of student-athlete life.

Injuries and Depression

For starters, there is a proven link between concussions and depression. Scientific research has concluded that sports concussions have a lasting impact on one’s personality and emotional state. Athletes who experienced three or more concussions have reported a higher likelihood of being diagnosed with depression than athletes who have had zero concussions. Other injuries can have the same damaging effects as concussions — or worse.

When researchers compared athletes who had concussions to those with torn anterior cruciate ligaments (ACL), they found that athletes with an ACL injury were even more likely to experience depression than those with a concussion. Numerous studies have found similar links between injuries and depression. One study of more than 900 NCAA athletes found that 33% of athletes with an injury and 27% of uninjured athletes could be considered depressed.

Another study found that 51% of surveyed athletes who sustained an injury experienced mild to severe depression symptoms, suggesting that the athletes may feel pressured to come back after an injury at equal or better performance levels than before. They may also feel depressed if they are unable to play their sport or if they are limited to specific physical therapy activities. They will almost certainly feel distanced or different from the rest of their teammates.

Athletic Performance and Depression

Depression typically comes with a stigma attached to it. One of the decorated Olympians, Michael Phelps, recently opened up about his battle with depression and its relation to his pressure to be the best father, husband, and professional swimmer. Again, scientific research has found a correlation between athletic performance and symptoms of depression.

A study conducted with 50 elite professional swimmers showed that 34% of athletes reported lasting depression episodes, which could last for the rest of their lives. The top quartile of the elite swimmers had depression scores that nearly doubled their respective competitors. Athletes who fail or lose during a competition are more likely to experience depression as well. It is increasingly vital for mental health professionals to be aware of this issue when treating athletes who did not win a major game, race, event, etc.

The athlete and the trainer/mental health provider must be mindful of the bouts of depression that can arise after experiencing a loss or setback. It may not only be the athlete’s ideas and self-expectations that are causing the depression to occur — but it can also stem from expectations that were set by coaches, teammates, and family.

Mental Health for Athletes

At this time, there is limited evidence linking athletes’ high-performance levels and their mental health experiences. It is likely that the utilization of mental health benefits for athletes might be underreported or hardly used for many reasons. Sports medicine teams are often encouraged to provide psychiatric care and mental health services to athletes in lieu of licensed professionals. Ideally, these sports medicine teams should implement mandatory mental health briefings for athletes, make mental health resources readily available at any time, and help them schedule appointments with licensed professionals if needed.

Warning Signs

Atypical warning signs of depression in athletes could present themselves as anger and irritability, engagement in unhealthy coping mechanisms, overtraining, or substance abuse. Watch for these signs in all athletes and assess when it is the right time to seek mental health help.

At Achieve Concierge, we believe that we can help athletes and all types of individuals with their depression. — including athletes — with their depression. We help determine the best course of treatment for each patient by choosing one or a combination of treatment options, such as psychotherapy, exercise, and medication. To speak with one of our mental health specialists, call us today at (858) 221-0344.

Tips for Dealing with a Teenager Suffering from Anxiety-Induced Anger Attacks

Tips for Dealing with a Teenager Suffering from Anxiety-Induced Anger Attacks

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It is common for individuals diagnosed with an anxiety disorder to experience anger attacks. Some may be angry with themselves for their illness and some experience rage instead of anxiety. Growing up in a household of aggression is not easy for anyone, but there are steps that you can take as a parent to help your child through their anger attack.

Before we list the steps you can take to calm your child down, it is essential to acknowledge and accept one thing — your child is not openly choosing to have an anger attack. Yelling, cursing, or fighting will only increase the likelihood that your child’s mood will amplify. Here are some tips:

Tip #1: Realize that anger may be replacing sadness or anxiety.

It can be tricky to decipher whether your teen is having anger attacks because they’re truly angry or because they are hurt. Acts of aggression could be a direct reflection of your teen’s need for love and attention. Figuring out how to feel in a particular situation can be stressful and challenging for the whole family, but especially for teenagers. Approach your teen with love. Even if you are met with hostile behavior, it will resonate with them that you did your best to support them and let them know that you are not a threat, and they don’t need to be violent with you. When that type of anger arises, it is important to note that their brain is in “flight or fight” mode, which mentally and physically prepares your child for an incoming attack.

Tip #2: Come from a place of love and support with QSTUD.

Your first reaction to your child having an angry outburst will likely be to raise your voice right back and engage in a verbal or even physical altercation. Unfortunately, this is not going to calm your teen down. There are four things to help you through your teen’s anger attacks: Quiet, Space, Time, Understanding, and Distractions (QSTUD).

A quiet place is the first step to a teenager learning how to curb their outbursts. Anticipate broken items, screaming, cursing, and noise. They need their space, so give them time to let their anger unfold. Time is another critical tool for an upset teen. Give them time to get out of the “flight or fight” mentality. Give them time to cry, scream, and curse on their own. You don’t need to be involved with how they deal with their anger.

The next step in the QSTUD technique is understanding. This step is important because it helps parents approach their teen in a respectful and de-escalating manner. Understand that it is not your child’s goal to wreak havoc on your lives or to harm you or the family. It will be fairly common for your child to feel immense guilt or shame after their outburst. Distraction is the most crucial part of this de-escalation process. Suggest that they play a video game, go for a walk or run, browse social media, or journal their frustrations — anything to take their mind off their anger and calm them down.

Tip #3: Let your child know that you are there to hear them out after their episode.

It may feel incredibly challenging to sit with your child after they have said and done hurtful things to you. However, they need a parent who acknowledges their anger and does not shun them for such behavior, but instead encourages open communication. Give them the option to talk to you about why they got so angry or what triggered the anger attack. Keep a list of known triggers and avoid them as much as possible. Be patient with your teen as they navigate their journey on how to express their emotions in healthy ways. It will get better — your child loves you. Your support will mean the world to them.

Anxiety is not a battle that you or your child need to go through alone. The team at Achieve Concierge can provide treatment options of all kinds to you and your family. We are committed to providing the highest level of mental wellness care with personalized service that is second to none. To learn more, call us today at (858) 221-0344.